I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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