is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
