Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize