I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
