I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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