party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
