Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
