Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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