i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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