I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
