i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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