so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize