did you get engaged???
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
