I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize