a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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