Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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