I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
