dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
