Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
