I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
