i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
