I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
