I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
