take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
