Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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