You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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