Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize