You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
