I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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