Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
