I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
