It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
