So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
