Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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