Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
