You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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