I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
