i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
