i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
