how do flat chested girls get laid?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
