This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
