I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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