I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
