and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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