so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
