I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
