New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize