I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone came in the potted fern
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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