just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
