I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
