seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
