cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
