I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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