I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize