Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
