Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
