Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize