two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
