You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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