My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize