Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
