Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
the raccoons are back...
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