Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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