Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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